


Hold On

by Rugs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hospitalization, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Suicidal Dean Winchester, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27737551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rugs/pseuds/Rugs
Summary: TW: Suicide attemptDean is overcome by his thoughts after Sam abandons him in favor of Ruby, Cas hears his prayer and saves him in the nick of time,Song Used: Hold On by Chord Overstreet
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 71





	Hold On

Sam was gone. As much as Dean didn’t want it to be true, it was. He ran off with Ruby and was either corrupted or dead. Dean didn’t know which was worse. After everything, Sam had chosen to not stay with him. Dean grabbed a bottle of whiskey off the counter, unscrewing the cap as he leans against the wall. He blames himself entirely. He got Sammy wrapped up in all this again, he should have left him at Stanford. It was no surprise; Dean had basically raised Sam and he had left once before so why wouldn’t he do it again.

Dean tilts his head back, taking a long swig from the bottle. Tears blur his vision as he drinks. After several seconds he lowers the bottle and stares blearily at the ceiling. His hand with the bottle drops to his side as he wipes his eyes. He looks around the empty kitchen as his gaze settles on the table. It’s so strange to not see Sam sitting there, elbows deep in research. Tears leak from the corners of his eyes as he remembers all the cases they had done together. He closes his eyes, lifting the bottle to his lips once again. He slides down the wall and slouches against it. He just sits there, draining the bottle as more and more tears fall.

He’s given up, completely. He can’t save the world and stop the apocalypse without Sam. He tosses the empty bottle across the floor. It rolls over the tile, making light clinking noises that echo in the room and in his head. He drunkenly climbs to his feet, swaying as he does so. His head spins but he grabs another bottle. Stumbling off to the bathroom, he trips over his own feet. He slams the door open and it bangs into the wall. He stumbles, battering himself against the sink. He lets out a sob and sinks to the floor crying. Unscrewing the cap, he tosses it on the floor, wincing at the sound it makes as it clatters on the tile.

Dean lifts the bottle to his lips, taking a second to breathe in the sharp scent of the whiskey and the saltiness of his own tears. There is music softly serenading him from TV as one of the music channels plays. The words echo in his head, bouncing around with all of his thoughts. He throws his head back, starting to drain the bottle. By the time he puts it down, it’s missing a few inches of fluid. He sets it gently on the floor before rubbing his eyes. The whiskey wasn’t working, he wasn’t forgetting. He couldn’t take it anymore. He pulls a knife out of his pocket.

-

Cas looks around the room bored. The white walls no longer provide the same comfort that used to. Earth was much more ideal now with its luscious forests and interesting wildlife. He would much rather be helping out the Winchesters. Even they were less annoying than the angel before him babbling on about what they were to do next.

Cas’ mind wanders to the eldest Winchester. He was intriguing but he was unavailable in so many ways. With his current mission with the angels, he couldn’t become more familiar with Dean. His mind drifts as he ignores what is being said. He instead focuses on the sparkle that dances in Dean’s rich green eyes and the way he smiles, his lips slowly dragging upwards.

Suddenly, he gets a prayer, one he recognizes to be Dean’s voice. He listens for a second as it rambles on inside of his head. He sits up as he starts catching bits and pieces of Dean’s prayer. His eyes grow wide and he stands up, knocking over his seat and rushing out. He hears faint shouting from those he is leaving behind but he pays no attention. His eyes are wild as he races to get to Earth. Dean’s prayer continues to ramble through his head.

-

Dean can feel the life leaking out of him and oozing onto the floor. He is numb and his mind races through near empty thoughts. _Cas… I- I need... please… Sammy… I shouldn’t have… I failed… son of a bitch… I’m sorry…_

Dean lays there numbly, feeling the blood and tears slide over his clammy skin. Everything is growing blurry and his head starts to fall to the side. The song comes into a sharp focus, the words stringing together into painfully beautiful verses. Dean lets out a quiet sob and stares absently at the locked bathroom door. Suddenly with a crack, the door swings open. He sees a blurry figure dressed in tan sweep through the door, rushing towards him. The figure kneels a beside him, his pants soaking up the blood dripping from Dean’s wrists. Dean feels his eyes slid shut as the song seems to grow in volume.

-

_You locked yourself in the bathroom_ …

Cas kneels by Dean’s side, feeling the warm blood seep into the fabric of his pants.

_Lying on the floor when I break through_ …

Dean’s fading fast, his skin growing pale and his breath shallow. Cas’ grasps Dean’s forearms, lifting them above his heart, willing the cuts to close. Dean’s skin stitches itself closed, the blood flow halting. Cas hooks his arms under Dean’s hauling him to his feet and holding him close.

_I pull you in to feel your heartbeat…_

Cas can feel a very faint fluttering as he holds Dean close. He may be able to close wounds, but he can’t fix blood loss. He needs to get Dean to a human hospital. His mind is assaulted by the song playing off the TV and Dean’s fading prayer. Caught up in the emotions he lets out a heartbroken cry.

_Can you hear me screaming “Please don’t leave me.”_

Cas lets out a broken sob as Dean’s prayer becomes quieter. He closes his eyes willing the thoughts away and pushing forward to a new place. The song continues to haunt him, echoing in his head.

_Hold on, I still want you  
Come back, I still need you  
Let me take your hand, I'll make it right  
I swear to love you all my life  
Hold on, I still need you_

_A long endless highway, you're silent beside me  
Drivin' a nightmare I can't escape from  
Helplessly praying, the light isn't fadin'  
Hiding the shock and the chill in my bones_

Cas opens his eyes to see a large white building rise up before him. He stumbles forward, almost tripping over Dean. He halts, sweeping Dean into his arms. Now able to carry Dean with out tripping over him, he lumbers towards the hospital. People stare at him and mutter under their breaths as the blood-stained angel carries his nearly lifeless human towards help.

-

Cas takes one step inside the hospital and all the eyes immediately latch onto him. A nurse gasps and runs for a doctor while another guides Cas down a hall. One of the nurses take Dean from Cas, whisking him away. Someone comes to Cas, asking him what happened. Cas sways, dazed as he focuses on the faint beat of Dean’s heart coming from the other room. He manages to mumble out “wrists… blood everywhere.”

_They took you away on a table…_

The person stares at Cas for a second then rushes off to talk to the doctors. Cas rubs his face roughly and starts pacing, continuing to listen to all the thoughts in his head.

_I pace back and forth as you lay still_

Cas senses Dean’s heart rate plummet and hears doctors scurry to revive him, He freezes in the doorway, staring at Dean hooked up a bunch of machines with dried blood caking his wrists. He can’t look away, but he doesn’t want to watch. He shuts his eyes as the world shouts at him. Crumpling to the floor, he screams back, “Please don’t leave me.”

_Can you hear me screaming, "Please don't leave me"_

Cas feels Dean’s pulse flutter back, growing stronger before settling at a weak yet steady pace. Someone places their hand on Cas’ shoulder and helps him stand, guiding him to a seat. There he sits for hours, silently replying to Dean’s prayer.

_Hold on, I still want you  
Come back, I still need you  
Let me take your hand, I'll make it right  
I swear to love you all my life  
Hold on, I still need you_

After a few hours, a doctor comes up to him. “He’ll be alright, he must have a guardian angel or something.”

Cas looks up at him with weary gratitude, letting a tired smile show. “Indeed, he does.”


End file.
